In preview of his uncomfortably funny memoir, Kasher in the Rye: The True Tale of a White Boy from Oakland Who Became a Drug Addict, Criminal, Mental Patient, and Then Turned 16, stand up comedian Moshe Kasher, who has appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and Chelsea Lately, gave us a survival guide for the worst case adolescent scenarios from his life. Reader discretion is highly advised. —Alyssa Jaffer